How To Spot Captain-Save-A-Ho

Stripping has taught me many things,

And understanding the nuances of capitalism, patriarchy and pro quo situations is one of them.

Yes, no one does the proverbial “it” alone,

But even in business, all business,

There is a huge difference in outcome when help offered is solely opportunistic.

Especially when unsolicited.

Because there’s nothing a Wanna-Be-Pimp or Captain Save-a-Ho loves more than to present themselves as:

“A voice for those who don’t have one.”

Or any savior of sorts.

People with authentic agendas in  assisting those they feel can benefit from they’re resources are in service to the needs expressed to them.

This requires asking questions,

This also requires a genuine curiosity and interest in all avenues that come into play that have prohibited such needs,

thus far,

From already being met.

Beware of those who come to you with a theoretical solution before ever showing a true desire in understanding you or what your situation is...

And even so,

Be more aware of them once they have.

I guess the lesson here is:

Only fuck with people who earn your trust and/or come with the hard core credentials of being in “it” for the reasons YOU feel are worth it.

Paradise City Creamery

Sitting here reminiscing about my pre-Stripper years and how the decade I spent in the restaurant & bar industry was an illuminating intro to utilizing skills I’d later refine as a Pro-Slut

and

How they eventually translated to Paradise City Creamery.

You may or not know,

But I started making ice cream because I was SO OVER no one making the kind of shit I could OR wanted to put in my mouth.

High-end, undetectably dairy/gluten free AND for the curious grown-up who loves to play. 

As I was transitioning from a flashy side-hustle in Burlesque, becoming more involved in community organizing and yes still hustling the Club (because #Lifer)

 I was also becoming obesessed with the chemistry required in crafting decadent plant-based scoops, how much pleasure people got from enjoying a successful batch and getting really fucking good at making bomb ass ice cream. 

Tho I’ll be real-

If you would of asked Bougie-NYC-Restaurant-Manager me or Baby-Stripper me if I could ever imagine these two professional worlds hybridizing into this edible celebration of indulgence,

I probably would of responded in a thick ass Jersey accent, Waaaaaaaaa?!!!

But here I am and I couldn’t be more proud or excited to share it with y’all!

Paradise City Creamery, Launching Summer 2019.

Xxo, Val

Self Activism

Shout out to everyone who repped inclusivity and intersectionality at Womens’ Marches/Rallies around the world today.

I did not participate this year.

Instead I thought a lot about how within my professional and personal life I can continue to honor and celebrate what I believe the movement should represent.

I also thought a lot about how I  recently came to terms with what my life now requires of me and how that means having less time and energy to fully show up for community activism as I once did.

... and Holy shit did it take me a minute to shake that internalized guilt.

But ultimately I recognized,

Tho often conflated,

Martyrdom and activism are NOT the same.

Easier said then done cuz Goddess knows that women are often conditioned to believe that our worth, loyalty and love are proved by how much of ourselves we give “selflessly” to others,

Well, FUCK THAT.

If Sex Work has taught me anything it’s that we can be compassionate, empathetic AND have strong boundaries.

That a lot of times “selfish” is something people with no concept of boundaries like to accuse others of being because they’re resentful of not having any for themselves.

And

That internalizing guilt is often something we do because we’re anxious as fuck at being accused of “selfishness.”

So this one goes out to my nurturers, matriarchs, comrades and anyone who’s ever felt guilty for taking a step (or twelve) back from giving to others in order to prioritize their own needs.

The most impactful activism is Self Activism.

It’s showing up with everything we’ve got first and foremost for ourself and our work that ultimately allows us to have the mental, emotional and physical means to realistically and beneficially give to others. 

And fuck anyone who says or implies otherwise.  

In Solidarity, 

Val