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  • Valerie Stunning

Self Care? Who Has Time For That Shit?

“How do you take care of your body and skin when you’re doing very physical work in heavy make-up 5-6 nights a week? I work a day job and Domme at night and on weekends, and I feel like I’m run ragged and don’t have the time to really take care of myself. ”


MS. STRESS,  Show me a Bo$$ who's never identified with your feelings of being "run ragged" and/or "don't have the time to really take care of myself",  and I will show you a liar. 

Let's be real. I know y'all feel MS. STRESS on this one. 

If prioritizing self-care isn't one of the trickiest work/life dilemmas when ruling our Queendoms,  then I don't know what is?!  It wasn't until I burnt the fuck out a few months back that I finally learned- Just because I know I can do it all, doesn't mean I should. 

Especially when "doing it all" almost always comes at the price of compromising ourselves in ways that inevitably leave us feeling,  at best "run ragged" and at worst depressed af.  Gahhhhh. It blows my mind how easily we can convince ourselves that self sabotage is a necessary ingredient to success. 

What I should of been doing was,  Setting firm boundaries, Saying no,  AND Respecting my mind, body and soul's limitations. But hindsight is 20/20, right? 

It sure is...

After a 3 week hiatus, during which I reevaluated how my time was REALLY being spent, I was forced to take a painfully honest look at what I was committing myself to and why.  OH GIRL, can it really mess your head up when you reassess your life goals and decide to cut ties with the things that no longer serve you,  Especially when you've allowed yourself to be defined by them for so long. 

HOWEVER! The day I finally identified the things I needed in order to feel my best and began to prioritize them,  It completely changed my life for the better.  It also caused some people to throw shade at my apparent "high maintenance" or "selfishness."  But I quickly decided that if people are hell bent on my loyalty being solely measured in self sabotage,  They can fuck off.  


MY 2 CENTS ESTABLISH WHAT SELF CARE IS TO YOU.  One size does not fit all.  Though I will say, it's crucial to give back to our bodies what we take out of them. Especially because of the very "physical work in heavy make-up" and 6+ inch heels we do several nights a week. If taking care of your body and skin ranks high on your priority list and contributes to you feeling powerful, sexy, (or what ever adjectives you feel embody you,)  Then drinking a fuck ton of water, eating clean, regularly exercising and getting a solid night's rest will lay the foundation for that.  Mother Nature's rules, not mine. PRIORITIZE THAT SHIT Above all else. Working a day job and Domming at night/weekends is A LOT.  To create space in your life for self-care rituals and routines you'll have to critically evaluate how your time is spent.  Then you'll need to set firmer boundaries and say no more.  As a Domme, I imagine you're familiar with the glorious feeling of power that comes with both.  Let that guide you. ...and remember, self care is not measured in dollars spent I find the detoxifying/restorative health benefits of regular facials and massages indispensable to our well being- and I highly recommend them.  Still I understand that monthly visits to an esthéticienne and massage therapist don't work for everyone's budget.  But lest we forget, there's hardly a tired body that a solid YouTube tutorial, some Epsom Salt and a foam roller can't work out.  DON'T "TRY TO FIND TIME FOR IT", SERIOUSLY PRIORITIZE THAT SHIT. After all is said and done if you can't find at the very least 30 minutes a day for yourself,  You're either a masochist or you're doing it wrong. Just sayin. Take my mother for example.  My mother raised 4 kids on her own while holding down 2-4 minimum wage jobs at any given time.  Everyday she would take the phone and lock herself in the bathroom for 30-60 minutes after dinner and before bed. It was understood that unless you were in need of an emergency room, or you wanted to be- You did not fuck with mom's bath time.  As a kid I couldn't believe the nerve of our own mother denying us access to the only bathroom in the house for what felt like an insufferable amount of time, just so she could have "some god-damn peace and quiet."  But as a woman I admire the no fucks it took to demand that time for herself.  My mother knew the only way her Queendom would thrive was if her one self care ritual that greatly attributed to her last thread of sanity (and our survival) was non-negotiable. THAT BEING SAID, Honor your mind, body and soul's limitations and what they require because the relationships you have and the work that you do will inevitably reflect your respect and dedication to self-love and awareness. 

Be Well & Happy Hustling. Xxo Val 


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