“So I know strippers over 30 can be hot and make money bc I’ve seen it for YEARS. However, I am myself at 28 feeling very very advanced in age and like maybe the customers think so also. I feel like I’ve aged well but sometimes it’s hard to be getting older in a patriarchal society but especially in the strip club. How can I snap myself out of this complex? It’s affecting my money and bumming me out!!!”
— Too Advanced?
Advanced, Darling!
You say you feel "very very advanced in age and like maybe the customers think so also" and then follow it up with "I think I've aged well..." So I feel its safe to presume that you're satisfied with your exterior and that it's the interior you're grappling with. Your head game. As in, maybe you've lost your way to that magical/profitable place we go when wearing our Stripper hats.
OH GIRL, HOW I'VE BEEN THERE! It was at this one club, that I found myself reassessing how I identified with my "hotness", which inevitably translated to my hustle. You see- as a then 31 year old, it was the first time since I began Stripping (at 26,) that I was working a club where they hired at 18.
And holy shit were things different. Suddenly I was noticing how my vibe, hustle and customers had evolved since donning my first pair of Pleasers, in addition to some glaring differences between my colleagues and I. It was funny to be hyper aware that I checked the 31-40 age box and most of these babes didn't. And wouldn't, for MANY years. Then one night during a standard table dance for some older guy's much younger wife, this conversation transpired: Wife: (carefully looking at my face as I'm pretending to want to fuck her) How old are you? Me: (playfully giggles and responds with what I'd been saying for years) 27! Wife: (incredulously studying my face and after a long pause, matter-of-factly states) You are very beautiful. But you do not look 27. Me: (caught off guard and pretending to not have heard her) That was so much fun! You two let me know when you're looking to cause more trouble! Hugs! Yup, she definitely caught me off guard. But honestly as the words fell out of her mouth, I remember calmly thinking: You know what lady, that's because I'm not 27. Nor do I wish I was. After that night, I gave some thought to my age, hustle and "hotness." Hotness (in this case) characterized by how I embodied and exuded my sexuality/ sexual prowess, And after much introspection, a few Reposados and some empowering conversations with other accomplished, hot 30+ yo. women,
It becomes obvious that regardless of fitness level and whatever cutting-edge assistance we Women may have had in concealing decades worth of sun exposure/facial expressions, A 5-7 year age gap looks and mentally feels like way less of a difference than a 10-12 year one. And rightfully so. Because we inevitably begin to embody and exude this life experience we now have.
Sister, I have to tell you, it is a glorious day when you make peace with the fact you no longer check the Under 21 or the 21-30 year old boxes, And that EVERYTHING directly related to your sexuality/sexual prowess including the art of conversation to flirtation and body language sharpens with age. Combine that with an emergence of a healthier sense of self derived from consciously unlearning years of brainwashing bullshit and no longer giving a fuck about what societal dogmas and systemic conditioning claim to be "normal", "successful" or "hot" and you realize: HOLY SHIT, I'M SUPER WOMAN!
Now onto snapping you out of "this complex." First I'll need you to humor me and replace the words "strippers" with "women" and "can be" with "are."
* We're subbing the word Women for Strippers (in spite of this being a question directly related to the club) because we are Women first and how we feel as Women informs how we feel as Strippers. Follow me here... "So I know women over 30 can be hot..." "So I know women over 30 are hot..." You see, One feels tentative and conditional. The other assertive and fucking legit. Say them aloud and see which version inspires you to become that 30+ year old. Next I suggest you think about your hustle. Is it time to re-invent your approach? Make subtle (because anything drastic will feel foreign & forced) but effective changes in appealing to a broader clientele who'll perhaps vibe more with what you now personify. Also if possible, try working different shifts. When you change your rituals and routines, you change your reality. Then, do yourself a solid and remember that: Yes, you've acquired some years and experience but you are still young AND being under 28 was not what kept you fed. I'm betting that you've been a savvy sales woman in the guise of fun, sexy, escapism all this while. That your enchanting interpersonal skills and clever resourcefulness have closed more sales than any air of jail-baityness ever could. As the old adage goes: Looks will get you in the door but personality will keep you in the room. Finally, if you've been there and tried that, are still feeling out of touch and your money continues to suffer- It may be time to consider if you're experiencing Sex Worker Burn Out.
Here's an amazing guide by Annie Sprinkle ( http://anniesprinkle.org/how-to-cure-sex-worker-burnout/ ) that runs through the very real symptoms and possible cures to a SWBO that my Stripper-Sister Jacq The Stripper turned me onto, when I was indeed burnt the fuck out. Be Well & Happy Hustling! Xxo, Val