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  • Valerie Stunning

Burn Out

I know, it's been a minute... But sometimes a girl needs a break.  Part of me is dying to share with you the adventuresome details about where I've been and what I've been up to over the past 3 weeks, AND Part of me feels that doing so would defeat the point of my hiatus... Which was to have guilt free, off duty, ME time.

To reconnect with a self I had slowly been disengaging from over the course of working hard and holding shit down.  You know- the self that many of us women stop prioritizing when in the throes of self improvement, hustling a career, managing a family & household, and maintaining healthy platonic & sexual relationships. The self, if you're like me, you only catch glimpses of during moments of mindfulness i.e. when not preoccupied with how to win at life.  And girl are those moments fleeting!  I frequently chat with kindred boss-babes about this.  About how we cram the absolute maximum we can manage in to the too few hours of the day. Then stress ourselves to sleep about what we didn't accomplish or what needs to be accomplished as soon as we wake up.  We do this because we want to make the most of opportunities our mothers and grandmothers didn't have,  We want to be proud of the lives we live,  We want the financial security to protect the little autonomy we're granted,  We want to be happy.  I'll be the first to admit, Ambition is fucking glorious.

It's because of ambition, modern day opportunity and savvy resourcefulness* that I was able to be the first in my family to earn more than minimum wage and travel outside of our small industrial NJ town and it's immediate surroundings. Thus causing me to learn and expand in ways I may never have had.  I will never hate on being ambitious.  * Though I am not ignorant to the fact that being born white and cis-gendered has also helped me maximize the potential of said ambition, modern day opportunity, and savvy resourcefulness. I also recognize,  Ambition has an ugly side. 

 It entrances us and we become fixated on constantly striving for the bigger and better.  Which isn't the worst, until you factor in the bombardment of everyone's passionate opinions and curated lives that we willingly (and at times, obsessively) subscribe to. Hello internet! 

And then it results in this lurking fear. A fear that if we take necessary time for self care (time we're convinced could always be spent more productively) it will result in someone knocking us off our thrones and the world immediately forgetting about us.

 Finally culminating in perpetual self imposed pressure and burning the fuck out. I know. I've lived this burn out.   And I'll be honest, I've yet to master how to completely avoid them. Hello 3 week hiatus! 

Though I will say through various life experiences and guidance from my amazing support system I am now able to better identify an oncoming one and efficiently remedy it.  WIN.  May I suggest that if you identify with any of this to do yourself a solid and prioritize some guilt free, off duty, ME time.  Stat.

Hustle hard and hold your Queendom down, but for Christ's sake- please stop undervaluing self care and shaming it's necessity as a weakness. 

No one is overthrowing you if you take 30 minutes to yourself every day to fucking breathe. Though, that 30 minutes has incredible potential to drastically benefit your piece of mind and energy, hence positively reshaping your reality. 

You are the sun of your universe and frequently dedicating time to checking in with your mental, emotional and physical well being is essential to continually burning strong and bright. Be well <3 Xxo, Val  


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