YOU. OWE. THEM. NOTHING.

Aside from the agreed upon Dances/VIP Time for X amount of $$$ at the club's advertised level of nudity...

YOU. OWE. THEM. NOTHING.

Regardless of how much money they paid upfront.

Regardless of what they assumed, misinterpreted, or felt entitled to.

Regardless of how long they've been patronizing the club

OR

What owner, investor, manager and/or other Strippers they name drop/have dinner with once a week.

Even if the "last girl" did a flying somersault onto his dick for the same amount of money (or less.)

Even if that "girl" was you or it was someone else's dick for the same amount of money (or less.)

No one is entitled to any part of you that you don't want to sell.

Your mind & body is your business.

You decide who has access to what and when and for how long.

You are the boss.

Period.

Square those strong shoulders,

Raise that contoured chin,

Steady your sexy voice

and

Repeat after me:

MY BOUNDARIES ARE MINE AND WILL BE AS FLEXIBLE AND NEGOTIABLE AS I WANT.

I. OWE. YOU. NOTHING.

Self Care? Who Has Time For That Shit?

“How do you take care of your body and skin when you’re doing very physical work in heavy make-up 5-6 nights a week? I work a day job and Domme at night and on weekends, and I feel like I’m run ragged and don’t have the time to really take care of myself. ”

— MS. STRESS

MS. STRESS,  Show me a Bo$$ who's never identified with your feelings of being "run ragged" and/or "don't have the time to really take care of myself",  and I will show you a liar. 

Let's be real. I know y'all feel MS. STRESS on this one. 

If prioritizing self-care isn't one of the trickiest work/life dilemmas when ruling our Queendoms,  then I don't know what is?!  It wasn't until I burnt the fuck out a few months back that I finally learned- Just because I know I can do it all, doesn't mean I should. 

Especially when "doing it all" almost always comes at the price of compromising ourselves in ways that inevitably leave us feeling,  at best "run ragged" and at worst depressed af.  Gahhhhh. It blows my mind how easily we can convince ourselves that self sabotage is a necessary ingredient to success. 

What I should of been doing was,  Setting firm boundaries, Saying no,  AND Respecting my mind, body and soul's limitations. But hindsight is 20/20, right? 

It sure is...

After a 3 week hiatus, during which I reevaluated how my time was REALLY being spent, I was forced to take a painfully honest look at what I was committing myself to and why.  OH GIRL, can it really mess your head up when you reassess your life goals and decide to cut ties with the things that no longer serve you,  Especially when you've allowed yourself to be defined by them for so long. 

HOWEVER! The day I finally identified the things I needed in order to feel my best and began to prioritize them,  It completely changed my life for the better.  It also caused some people to throw shade at my apparent "high maintenance" or "selfishness."  But I quickly decided that if people are hell bent on my loyalty being solely measured in self sabotage,  They can fuck off.  

And? 

MY 2 CENTS ESTABLISH WHAT SELF CARE IS TO YOU.  One size does not fit all.  Though I will say, it's crucial to give back to our bodies what we take out of them. Especially because of the very "physical work in heavy make-up" and 6+ inch heels we do several nights a week. If taking care of your body and skin ranks high on your priority list and contributes to you feeling powerful, sexy, (or what ever adjectives you feel embody you,)  Then drinking a fuck ton of water, eating clean, regularly exercising and getting a solid night's rest will lay the foundation for that.  Mother Nature's rules, not mine. PRIORITIZE THAT SHIT Above all else. Working a day job and Domming at night/weekends is A LOT.  To create space in your life for self-care rituals and routines you'll have to critically evaluate how your time is spent.  Then you'll need to set firmer boundaries and say no more.  As a Domme, I imagine you're familiar with the glorious feeling of power that comes with both.  Let that guide you. ...and remember, self care is not measured in dollars spent.  I find the detoxifying/restorative health benefits of regular facials and massages indispensable to our well being- and I highly recommend them.  Still I understand that monthly visits to an esthéticienne and massage therapist don't work for everyone's budget.  But lest we forget, there's hardly a tired body that a solid YouTube tutorial, some Epsom Salt and a foam roller can't work out.  DON'T "TRY TO FIND TIME FOR IT", SERIOUSLY PRIORITIZE THAT SHIT. After all is said and done if you can't find at the very least 30 minutes a day for yourself,  You're either a masochist or you're doing it wrong. Just sayin. Take my mother for example.  My mother raised 4 kids on her own while holding down 2-4 minimum wage jobs at any given time.  Everyday she would take the phone and lock herself in the bathroom for 30-60 minutes after dinner and before bed. It was understood that unless you were in need of an emergency room, or you wanted to be- You did not fuck with mom's bath time.  As a kid I couldn't believe the nerve of our own mother denying us access to the only bathroom in the house for what felt like an insufferable amount of time, just so she could have "some god-damn peace and quiet."  But as a woman I admire the no fucks it took to demand that time for herself.  My mother knew the only way her Queendom would thrive was if her one self care ritual that greatly attributed to her last thread of sanity (and our survival) was non-negotiable. THAT BEING SAID, Honor your mind, body and soul's limitations and what they require because the relationships you have and the work that you do will inevitably reflect your respect and dedication to self-love and awareness. 

Be Well & Happy Hustling. Xxo Val 

Are You Too Old To Strip?

“So I know strippers over 30 can be hot and make money bc I’ve seen it for YEARS. However, I am myself at 28 feeling very very advanced in age and like maybe the customers think so also. I feel like I’ve aged well but sometimes it’s hard to be getting older in a patriarchal society but especially in the strip club. How can I snap myself out of this complex? It’s affecting my money and bumming me out!!!”

— Too Advanced?

Advanced, Darling! 

You say you feel "very very advanced in age and like maybe the customers think so also" and then follow it up with "I think I've aged well..."  So I feel its safe to presume that you're satisfied with your exterior and that it's the interior you're grappling with. Your head game.  As in, maybe you've lost your way to that magical/profitable place we go when wearing our Stripper hats. 

OH GIRL, HOW I'VE BEEN THERE! It was at this one club, that I found myself reassessing how I identified with my "hotness", which inevitably translated to my hustle.  You see- as a then 31 year old, it was the first time since I began Stripping (at 26,) that I was working a club where they hired at 18. 

And holy shit were things different. Suddenly I was noticing how my vibe, hustle and customers had evolved since donning my first pair of Pleasers, in addition to some glaring differences between my colleagues and I. It was funny to be hyper aware that I checked the 31-40 age box and most of these babes didn't.  And wouldn't, for MANY years.  Then one night during a standard table dance for some older guy's much younger wife, this conversation transpired:  Wife: (carefully looking at my face as I'm pretending to want to fuck her) How old are you? Me: (playfully giggles and responds with what I'd been saying for years) 27! Wife: (incredulously studying my face and after a long pause, matter-of-factly states) You are very beautiful. But you do not look 27.  Me: (caught off guard and pretending to not have heard her) That was so much fun! You two let me know when you're looking to cause more trouble! Hugs!    Yup, she definitely caught me off guard. But honestly as the words fell out of her mouth, I remember calmly thinking: You know what lady, that's because I'm not 27. Nor do I wish I was.  After that night, I gave some thought to my age, hustle and "hotness." Hotness (in this case) characterized by how I embodied and exuded my sexuality/ sexual prowess, And after much introspection, a few Reposados and some empowering conversations with other accomplished, hot 30+ yo. women,

It becomes obvious that regardless of fitness level and whatever cutting-edge assistance we Women may have had in concealing decades worth of sun exposure/facial expressions, A 5-7 year age gap looks and mentally feels like way less of a difference than a 10-12 year one. And rightfully so. Because we inevitably begin to embody and exude this life experience we now have. 

Sister, I have to tell you, it is a glorious day when you make peace with the fact you no longer check the Under 21 or the 21-30 year old boxes,  And that EVERYTHING directly related to your sexuality/sexual prowess including the art of conversation to flirtation and body language sharpens with age. Combine that with an emergence of a healthier sense of self derived from consciously unlearning years of brainwashing bullshit and no longer giving a fuck about what societal dogmas and systemic conditioning claim to be "normal", "successful" or "hot" and you realize: HOLY SHIT, I'M SUPER WOMAN!

Now onto snapping you out of "this complex." First I'll need you to humor me and replace the words "strippers" with "women" and "can be" with "are." 

* We're subbing the word Women for Strippers (in spite of this being a question directly related to the club) because we are Women first and how we feel as Women informs how we feel as Strippers.  Follow me here... "So I know women over 30 can be hot..." "So I know women over 30 are hot..."  You see,  One feels tentative and conditional.  The other assertive and fucking legit.  Say them aloud and see which version inspires you to become that 30+ year old.  Next I suggest you think about your hustle. Is it time to re-invent your approach? Make subtle (because anything drastic will feel foreign & forced) but effective changes in appealing to a broader clientele who'll perhaps vibe more with what you now personify. Also if possible, try working different shifts.  When you change your rituals and routines, you change your reality. Then, do yourself a solid and remember that: Yes, you've acquired some years and experience but you are still young AND being under 28 was not what kept you fed.  I'm betting that you've been a savvy sales woman in the guise of fun, sexy, escapism all this while. That your enchanting interpersonal skills and clever resourcefulness have closed more sales than any air of jail-baityness ever could. As the old adage goes: Looks will get you in the door but personality will keep you in the room.  Finally, if you've been there and tried that, are still feeling out of touch and your money continues to suffer-  It may be time to consider if you're experiencing Sex Worker Burn Out. 

Here's an amazing guide by Annie Sprinkle ( http://anniesprinkle.org/how-to-cure-sex-worker-burnout/ ) that runs through the very real symptoms and possible cures to a SWBO that my Stripper-Sister Jacq The Stripper turned me onto, when I was indeed burnt the fuck out.  Be Well & Happy Hustling! Xxo, Val