Dear Strip Club Ballers

Much love to all of you who've been coming to the club open to the fantasy, making it rain while sitting at the stage, and generously tipping after dances and VIP rooms.

You fucking rock!

Thank you for not wasting my time with amateur behavior like disrespecting my boundaries, demanding my "real" name, and attempted haggling. I REALLY appreciate the brilliant way you planned ahead by coming in with expendable cash, and cards that actually work, and how you made concise spending decisions without looking to your friends for a second opinion.

You are such a boss!

Also you showing up fresh and clean, in non athletic wear, I'm looking at you sweat pant Casanovas, and closed toe shoes, only made me want to get closer.

Well done!

I enjoy my work so much; so when you disregard all the sad stripper press us gals get, I am excited to create a fun and frivolous escape for you to indulge in. Thanks again for getting it and not contributing to the problem. 

Till next time, Xxo!!

VS

Who's The Real Bitch? A Think Piece

Dear pathetic "man" who screamed at me today at the grocery store for not smiling at him after he said hello as I was walking by, AND then continued to yell and shout offensive things at me from across the room for at least a good two minutes.

Newsflash asshole, I'm not here to stroke your ego and make you feel like the magical fucking gift to the universe you clearly seem to think you are.

I suggest you reevaluate who the real bitch is in this situation:

Me minding my business, or you, throwing a temper tantrum, because the woman you don't know walking by wouldn't give you attention when you demanded her to.

I'm not in the business of doing charity, helping sorry souls such as yourself feel validated and desired by smiling at them for no good reason.

So I also suggest you either think of something nice, clever, and/or genuine that warrants a smile, or pay for it like everyone else does.

Have a nice day.