Birthday Broadisms

NEARLY 6 YEARS AGO,

bout a week after my 26th birthday, on a warm summers day (yes, DAY) I showed up to work my very first stripper shift at a full nude club.

That night I went home with a few extra dollars, the gnarliest blisters (thanks to the pair of black satin civilian stilettos I INSISTED on wearing due to their merits of "class") AND a bubbling anticipation for how this new chapter of my life would unfold. GIIIIIIIIIRL, I HAD NO FUCKING CLUE. Today I turn 32.  And as I celebrate another glorious year I like to think about the plethora of advice I'd give my baby stripper self.  For starters, I'd tell her that "class" is overrated and that god invented Pleasers for a reason!  I'd also tell her to stop complimenting the more experienced babes at the club with: "Omg, you look so good FOR. YOUR. AGE." Bahahahahahaha. But seriously tho.  #fuckingkarma That aside, I'd also like to say cheers:  To you, the dope ass women who've inspired me over the years, To you, the generous patrons who've contributed to this job being so much fucking fun, AND To me, now being that broad who knows some things. HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!!! 

ATTENTION GUYS: (you know who you are)

If your wife/girlfriend/lady friend apprehensively accompanies you to a strip club... And then- Due to the sensational expertise of HER gyrating goddess of choice, opens herself up to the experience... So much so, that she is vibrating with new found lady lust by the end of the dance... And afterwards,  You shame her (publicly no less) for indulging in our sex magic,  When it was you who begged her to step outside her comfort zone to begin with... YOU ARE DOING IT WRONG. *You're also a narcissistic fuck tart who I'm betting has never once considered any woman's pleasure who was ever so kind to allow you near her pussy. #fuckyou 💋

NASTY WOMEN

NO ONE HERE ON TEAM CONSENTING SEX WORKER IS PRETENDING THE DARK SIDE DOESN'T EXIST.  WHAT WE'RE ASKING IS THAT YOU ACKNOWLEDGE: WE EXIST, WE ACCOUNT FOR THE MAJORITY AND THAT RESPECTING CONSENTING SEX WORK IS INTEGRAL TO THE ADVANCEMENT OF THE FEMINIST AGENDA AND HUMAN RIGHTS.  DAMN GINA.  IT'S REALLY GETTING OLD, THIS BEING PASSED OVER IN THE MOVEMENT BECAUSE YOU VALIDATE DANGEROUS, MISINFORMED STIGMAS.  I CHALLENGE YOU TO ENGAGE IN A CONVERSATION WITH US.  TO LISTEN TO US. TO TRY AND UNDERSTAND US. TO INVITE US TO THE TABLE WHEN YOU WRITE YOUR LAWS ABOUT US AND OUR BUSINESSES. TO DISCOVER WHAT IT IS THAT WILL ACTUALLY PROTECT US AND INEVITABLY ADVANCE THE CAUSE.  OR IS THAT TOO INTIMIDATING?  I KNOW. US WOMEN HAVE BEEN SYSTEMATICALLY CONDITIONED (FOR WHAT SEEMS LIKE FOREVA EVA) TO CONDEMN OUR PUSSIES. WE'VE LET OUR DEEPLY SEEDED RESENTMENT INFORM HOW WE FEEL ABOUT, AND, EXPRESS OUR SEXUALITY FOR WAY TOO LONG.  BUT PLEASE RECOGNIZE, BY REFUSING TO ACKNOWLEDGE CONSENSUAL SEX WORK(ERS)- YOU CONTRIBUTE TO THE VERY PROBLEM YOU WISH TO ERADICATE.  YOU KEEP US MARGINALIZED AND DIMINISH OUR VOICE. YOU, YES YOU, CONTRIBUTE TO THE PROBLEM.