• Valerie Stunning

Projection, Perfection & Pedestals


It seems like most of us out here in the Sex Worker internet-vortex, are just trying to make some noise,

Celebrating what we love,

Fighting for what we believe in,

And living life the best way we know how.

But truths change.

Lessons get learned,

And what makes sense and feels right one day doesn’t always the next.

Yes we are righteous Queens.

But even righteous Queens fuck it up.

And more importantly,

Fucking it up isn’t always the same as a mere difference in priorities and/or opinions.

Because we are diverse.

And oh yeah, HUMAN.

Supporting one another, believing in each other and wanting those we admire & love to succeed- helps make our complicated world more beautiful.

But lifting each other up and fixing each others crowns is very different than holding each other to impossible standards.

Standards that don’t allow for our diverse experiences and humanity to shine through,

Or our fuck ups to exist.

And I don’t know about y’all but that sure as hell isn’t the support, admiration or love I believe in or want in my life.

THAT is a trite projection of “perfection” that’s been systemically ingrained in us.

Shamed into us.

Through notions of “good”, “pretty”, “classy”,  “right” and “worthy” (to list a few,)

Bull-shit standards we internalize and have learned to resent ourselves for not attaining.

Yet, we project them onto others.

It’s almost as though,

If WE can’t be perfect,

Than the ones we celebrate and look to for guidance and inspiration sure as hell better be.

Or at the very least be the “right” kind of imperfect.

This isn't some rah rah, idealistic and unrealistic call to "love and support everyone!"

It's more of a reexamining on how we love and support, when we choose to. 

Pedestals are dangerous, conditional as fuck and serve no one. Least of all what we celebrate & collectively fight for.

Regardless of where we sit within privilege and/or the shit we had to survive to become the Queens we are today,

During these uncertain times of FOSTA/SESTA and in addition to holding down our Queendoms,

We’re all out here just doing the best we can with what we’ve got.

So can we please, for the love of all that is flashy, trashy and right in the world-

Give ourselves and each other a fucking break?!!!

Lest we forget,

Perfection is basic and nobody has time for that shit.



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