* I posted a nearly identical version of this back on St. Patricks Day (please fill in appropriate holiday references) after recalling every booze centric holiday I ever hustled.
I figured, why continue to anxiously anticipate a night of customers who probably mean well but are too fucked up to realize how their poor hygiene and lack of financial preparation totally cock block my Happy Slut vibes...
When I can just school y'all on how NOT to do that?!!
So voila! My top 3 things to do after drinking all day before making it rain all night:
1. BRUSH YOUR TEETH. Or at the very least rinse with mouth wash.
Because nothing is more vile than 8 hours of Guinness and Corned Beef breath.
2. CHANGE YOUR CLOTHES
Because even through the clouds of Warm Sugar scented body spray and cheap cigars, I can still smell the back splash of your bestie's vomit (that's unbeknownst to you) stuck on your jeans.
*And there's not a chance in hell I'm dry humping anyone who reeks of whiskey sweats and day old vomit.
3. HIT THE ATM
Chances are after a day of slamming Irish Car Bombs your memory of what pin number matches which debit card will be questionable.
Respect our time and avoid embarrassment by remembering that CASH IS KING.
Plus the more accessible it is, the easier it'll be for you to impulsively make it rain on the goddesses twerking in headstands to Shipping Up To Boston.
Follow these SIMPLE & CONSIDERATE steps, make our time with you as pleasurable as possible and I promise it will greatly enhance your sexy experience!
Courtesy of your friendly neighborhood Stripper.
Xxo, Val