Valerie Stunning

Purveyor of Glamorous Raunch and All Things BROAD

The Hustle-Slump Blues

I feel like I’ve been getting caught in a web of negativity, between sad customers, angry dancers, incompetent staff and it kiiiillllls my motivation to make money.
What have you found that helps break a streak of bad nights?
— Majora J
photo: Christian De Oliveira 

photo: Christian De Oliveira 

Majora! 

I'll bet my ass that so long as there are hustlers there will be a hustle-slump blues. 

 

One week you're fire af. 

Every stage show ending in buckets and every seductive pitch, flawlessly executed,

With every faction of the Stripperverse harmoniously vibing, creating the most fun and lucrative club a gal could ever dream of. 

 

The next week, not so much. 

Your stages are empty.

Or even worse, filled with sleepers, Snappers and Mr. & Ms. "What are you going to do for this dollar?" 

Your pitch is reading as: 

There's not an ounce of me that believes anything I'm saying right now, and I knew you were going to say "No" the moment I sat down, but my feet hurt so Ima see this through till the bitter end.

And Mercury is in retrograde. 

But only at your club. 

 

OH HOW WE'VE ALL BEEN THERE.

 

You don't make any mention of what your life outside of the club is like, so lets start there. 

Take an honest look at how you spend your time, what you're working towards and who you surround yourself with. 

I've often found that there is a direct relation between how awesome (or not so awesome) I feel about my personal life and the loot I'm raking in. 

If you're stuck in a funky frequency-  feeling stagnant, bored and unhappy about where you're at or who you're with,

Chances are you're dragging that shit into the club with you. 

Even if you've got a killer poker face and never talk about your drama at work,

Bad vibes are like cheap perfume, 

You think no one knows, 

But ohhhh they can smell it. 

 

Then I'd remind yourself that:

You are not the sum of your night's earnings. 

*I posted this a few months back after having gone through my own hustle-slump. 

During which I spent a lot of time reflecting on how difficult it can be to disassociate our self worth from the money we earn, and realized it was equally important (if not more) to hone being a bad bitch on the bad nights as well as the flush ones. 

 

After that I recommend a Stripcation. 

One of the brilliant perks of being a Stripper is that we can literally work anywhere. Anywhere there are Strip Clubs. 

And I am a H U G E advocate for getting your hustle on somewhere new.

 

Being a Stripper you already know you are resourceful and can adapt quickly so:

  • Pick a destination. 
  • Ask other Strippers what they might know about it, Google the clubs there and call ahead to see what's required to work. 
  • Map out where said clubs are and find a place to stay, remembering to keep your overhead low because you're there to work. 
  • PACK YOUR PLEASERS AND HIT THE ROAD. 

If travel isn't possible, 

Switch up the clubs in your home town. Even if only for a few shifts... 

And if that's not an option, 

Try working a different schedule at your home club. 

There's just something about an unfamiliar environment, working with different babes and grinding on new laps that can magically reinvigorates a hustle. 

 

SO THERE YOU HAVE IT: 

Make sure you're feeling good about your life outside the club. 

Survivetheclub.com is a dope resource that offers personal coaching in addition to encouraging affirmations  that help even the savviest of hustlers continue to develop personally and professionally. 

Check out their article "Good Habits From the Start." 

Remind yourself that you are still a righteous Queen even on shitty nights and that your buckets will most definitely be brimming again soon,

AND

Create new hustle rituals & routines that will rekindle what you loved about this job to begin with. 

GET IT GIRL! 

Self Care? Who Has Time For That Shit?

How do you take care of your body and skin when you’re doing very physical work in heavy make-up 5-6 nights a week?
I work a day job and Domme at night and on weekends, and I feel like I’m run ragged and don’t have the time to really take care of myself.
— MS. STRESS
Photo: Sophia Phan

Photo: Sophia Phan

MS. STRESS, 

Show me a Bo$$ who's never identified with your feelings of being "run ragged" and/or "don't have the time to really take care of myself", 

and I will show you a liar. 

Let's be real. I know y'all feel MS. STRESS on this one.  

Photo: Sophia Phan

Photo: Sophia Phan

If prioritizing self-care isn't one of the trickiest work/life dilemmas when ruling our Queendoms, 

then I don't know what is?! 

 

It wasn't until I burnt the fuck out a few months back that I finally learned-

Just because I know I can do it all, doesn't mean I should. 

Especially when "doing it all" almost always comes at the price of compromising ourselves in ways that inevitably leave us feeling,  at best "run ragged" and at worst depressed af. 

Gahhhhh. It blows my mind how easily we can convince ourselves that self sabotage is a necessary ingredient to success. 

3054981-inline-i-5-these-are-the-bill-nye-reaction-gifs-you-didnt-know-you-needed.gif

 

What I should of been doing was, 

Setting firm boundaries,

Saying no, 

AND

Respecting my mind, body and soul's limitations.

But hindsight is 20/20, right? 

It sure is...

It sure is...

After a 3 week hiatus, during which I reevaluated how my time was REALLY being spent,

I was forced to take a painfully honest look at what I was committing myself to and why. 

OH GIRL, can it really mess your head up when you reassess your life goals and decide to cut ties with the things that no longer serve you, 

Especially when you've allowed yourself to be defined by them for so long. 

_90305197_spice_girls_alamy2_cut.jpg

 

HOWEVER!

The day I finally identified the things I needed in order to feel my best and began to prioritize them, 

It completely changed my life for the better. 

It also caused some people to throw shade at my apparent "high maintenance" or "selfishness." 

But I quickly decided that if people are hell bent on my loyalty being solely measured in self sabotage, 

They can fuck off.  

And? 

And? 

 

MY 2 CENTS

 

ESTABLISH WHAT SELF CARE IS TO YOU. 

One size does not fit all. 

Though I will say, it's crucial to give back to our bodies what we take out of them. Especially because of the very "physical work in heavy make-up" and 6+ inch heels we do several nights a week.

If taking care of your body and skin ranks high on your priority list and contributes to you feeling powerful, sexy, (or what ever adjectives you feel embody you,) 

Then drinking a fuck ton of water, eating clean, regularly exercising and getting a solid night's rest will lay the foundation for that. 

Mother Nature's rules, not mine.

 

PRIORITIZE THAT SHIT

Above all else.

Working a day job and Domming at night/weekends is A LOT. 

To create space in your life for self-care rituals and routines you'll have to critically evaluate how your time is spent. 

Then you'll need to set firmer boundaries and say no more. 

As a Domme, I imagine you're familiar with the glorious feeling of power that comes with both. 

Let that guide you.

...and remember, self care is not measured in dollars spent

I find the detoxifying/restorative health benefits of regular facials and massages indispensable to our well being- and I highly recommend them. 

Still I understand that monthly visits to an esthéticienne and massage therapist don't work for everyone's budget. 

But lest we forget, there's hardly a tired body that a solid YouTube tutorial, some Epsom Salt and a foam roller can't work out. 

 

DON'T "TRY TO FIND TIME FOR IT", SERIOUSLY PRIORITIZE THAT SHIT.

After all is said and done if you can't find at the very least 30 minutes a day for yourself, 

You're either a masochist or you're doing it wrong.

Just sayin.

 

Take my mother for example. 

My mother raised 4 kids on her own while holding down 2-4 minimum wage jobs at any given time. 

Everyday she would take the phone and lock herself in the bathroom for 30-60 minutes after dinner and before bed.

It was understood that unless you were in need of an emergency room, or you wanted to be-

You did not fuck with mom's bath time. 

As a kid I couldn't believe the nerve of our own mother denying us access to the only bathroom in the house for what felt like an insufferable amount of time, just so she could have "some god-damn peace and quiet." 

 

But as a woman I admire the no fucks it took to demand that time for herself. 

My mother knew the only way her Queendom would thrive was if her one self care ritual that greatly attributed to her last thread of sanity (and our survival) was non-negotiable.

That being said,

Honor your mind, body and soul's limitations and what they require because the relationships you have and the work that you do will inevitably reflect your respect and dedication to self-love and awareness. 

Be Well & Happy Hustling.

Xxo Val 

 ©2017 Valerie Stunning, All Rights Reserved